tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-43417425128203144222024-02-18T23:37:13.499-07:00Sesquipedalian PedantryDallinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10177936649397913401noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341742512820314422.post-84459197348877168342009-08-24T20:28:00.008-06:002009-08-26T18:49:48.336-06:00What do you Mean?<div style="TEXT-ALIGN: left">So...</div><br />I now live in Athens, GA. Home to the illustrious and storied University of Georgia.<br /><br />As I am a male and as I am now a student again (full-time, I know - what was I thinking?), I chose to purchase a meal plan. Yeah, I basically had a meal plan before, anyway, sponsored by Wendy's, Del Taco, and Alberto's.<br /><br />Well, this evening the parking garage adjacent to the dining facility was very busy. It almost seems as if there was an <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R.E.M.">REM</a> concert serviced by said garage that let out concurrent with the end of my tasty chicken caesar wrap.<br /><br />My Jeep happened to be parked in a stall serviced by the lane that was experiencing the traffic issues. "No problem," I thought, "as soon as the cars behind me see the reverse lights on, it will indicate my desire to leave sometime this millennium, and, in a display of that famous southern hospitality, they will allow me to reverse and join the legions of automobiles trying to escape the clutches of this garage."<br /><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><br /></div>As with so many other things in life, I was wrong.<br /><br /><br />The first car was a Volkswagen piloted by a southern belle who, to her credit, would have had to make a split second recognition of the scenario and then slam on the brakes to allow me to exit the stall. Having sisters age 19 and 17, asking for recognition and cognition (the order of which is counter intuitive in this situation... hmmm) in such a short amount of time is a tall order. She gets a pass.<br /><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><br /></div>The second was some Volvo-driving academic type. He had plenty of time to evince the courtesy heretofore mentioned and heretofore expected. He white knuckled his way past my efforts to leave, without any equivocation about his determination to get out of that garage at least one car length ahead of me. Jerk.<br /><br /><br />The third car was the remarkable one. It was a Nissan Sentra from the late 1980s. I'm sure it looked just like this one 20 years ago:<br /><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><br /></div><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 126px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5373728380111095266" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpaG6M4oXwHnXgss9-yB5Ypex1Vszy5nzZhU2MyU7FTG4DppPilBffquqlddgwu1vd6pH31Bg6VRFRv0w1pj3zkKpcAIiR2V8LUYCz0asmuxn3GZFKw3wPmzTaCrwNt2Wasbb_o8WvmpA/s200/91sentra.jpg" /><br /><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><br /></div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: left">Well, as the woman in the car approached, I started inching my way backward. She saw me, made eye contact with me, and when the opportune moment for her to do the nice thing came along, she looked away, straight forward, and punched the gas. Yeah. I expected that, based on the previous two cars.</div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: left"><br /></div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: left">The nice group of college-aged kids in the next car waved me in. Kudos go to the driver.</div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: left"><br /></div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: left">As I reverse and maneuver my Jeep backward to enter the stream of traffic, I notice a litany of bumper stickers on the back of the Sentra in question. These were the garden variety bumper stickers that you might expect to find at a Dukakis for President rally. As my car turned, one bumper sticker in particular seemed as out of place as <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BZkoKh_A5pw&feature=player_embedded">Dukakis in that tank</a>. </div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: left"><br /></div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: left">Exhibit A:</div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: left"><br /></div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: left"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 194px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5373731833215500194" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj2-AxhM5VTG7fmQ-9QLoDpQ4kGsZoMRL1mDEl3tW-gq1TBnu_eXi5Z9yfg960nM8aTv2fxo0w999Oqu241w34ahT_J4Y2mjXHzw-ePjr2KrwOjcKVyC3rySqlEEPzCaagpcq7OACLsnQ/s200/3373720570_4a7f7782a6_o.jpg" /></div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: left"><br /></div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: left">Congratulations, Sentra Lady: </div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: left"><br /></div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: left">Mean Hypocrites Suck Even Worse.</div>Dallinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10177936649397913401noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341742512820314422.post-80031304940579740032009-03-16T16:42:00.002-06:002009-03-16T16:51:51.132-06:00Talking PointsReally? I'm about to do this? <br /><br />Yup. Either enjoy or wait until we get into the "Fun With Pictures" blog posts that are forthcoming.<br /><br />Still, this is worthwhile reading to maybe understand something about where I am coming from, you know, to round out the overall picture of who I am.<br /><br />This is the text from my most recent talk, “All these things shall give thee experience and shall be for thy good.”<br /><br />10 spiritual lessons I have learned from experiences in my physical life:<br /><br />1. The Lord will shape a path for us. It may not be clear to us in the moment. This is especially true when those moments are moments we would rather not see ourselves in. If we “learn [our] duty, and to act in in the office in which [we are] appointed, in all diligence,” we will see the fruits of our labor as we reflect on it down the road. I have shared this before in testimonies that I have borne, but as I look back on my life, I see the Lord's hand leading and guiding me to where I am now. Experiences that I had a bad attitude about in the moment, thinking, “I wish I were not here right now,” are sometimes those I am the most thankful for now. This is also what leads me to lesson number 2.<br /><p>2. God loves me. God loves all of us.</p><p>3. “The worst they can tell me is 'no'”. I love baseball. There, I said it. When I was younger, I played, just like most other boys my age. I loved baseball, and I was not great at it. I was not a 5 skill player. In fact, I wasn't even a one skill player. During my freshman year of High School, a former teammate of mine asked if I was planning on trying out for the high school team. I told him that after some thought, I decided I would. My rationale was this: If I try out and make the team, I would be ecstatic, if I don't try out for the team, the answer was already “no.” So, I tried out. I was out there, and I was in a league of my own. Not in a good way. But, after the week of tryouts, the coach gathered us together, and said, “well, there are 24 spots on this team, and since there are 24 of you that have stayed for tryouts all week, there will be no cuts, you're all on the team.” I rode the pine for 3 years of High School baseball and loved every minute of it. But, I never would have had that opportunity had I not been willing to face rejection. </p><p>4. Nothing of value in life comes easily. A while back, someone asked me what my 3 proudest achievements were. After answering the question, I noticed that all 3 had something in common. These were all things that had required a lot of hard work and time. </p><p>5. The importance of family. One December, when I was 10 years old, I developed a pain in my lower right side one day. This pain was so intense that I was not able to sleep that entire night. The next day, my mom took me to the doctor who diagnosed it as appendicitis. After the surgery began, they recognized it as something much more complicated than a routine surgery. They removed the perfectly fine appendix (we might as well get what we were paying for, right?) and rushed me from Richfield to Primary Children's in Salt Lake City. There they removed a shriveled kidney and a ureter bloated by a blockage that had built up. Being in the hospital as a kid around Christmas time is about the best time to be in the hospital. People are already in the consumer mindset, so, I was regaled with gifts from family, many major merchants came through the hospital and gave the children presents – Fred Meyer literally gave me a 5 foot tall stalking chock full of toys. That was awesome. What wasn't awesome, however, was that after 2 surgeries that required literally opening me up, essentially splitting me in half, I was pretty bedridden for the best part of a week. My recovery was going along as planned, but, by December 23rd, I was still only marginally mobile. The reality soon hit me: I may not be able to go to Nana's house for the big Christmas family celebration. This is where we would all get together, 4 generations of family, and spend Christmas eve together. Just imagine 4 generations of people who are all jokesters and storytellers in the same vein as I am. This is seriously good times. That day, the doctor came in, and we asked him if he thought it would be possible to release me in time to spend Christmas eve with my family. He said that I was progressing nicely, but, that he would not release me until I had shown signs that I was healed. He said that if I could walk from my room to the end of the hall and back with no help, he would release me. I was determined in that moment to walk down to the end of the hall and back by the next day. So, I got up and got more active. Moving was a pain. Literally and figuratively. But, at 7 o'clock on December 24th, I walked down that hall, knowing in my mind if I could walk to the end of the hall and back, I would get to spend Christmas Eve with my family. Nothing could have stopped me that day. I wanted nothing more than to be with my family that night at Nana's house. I didn't care about the toys anymore, I didn't care about the pain in my side, all I wanted to do was be there among the people I loved and celebrate Christmas with them. That got me down the hall and back, just in the nick of time. I made it to Nana's, and had a wonderful Christmas that year. This is the promise the Lord gives us, if we can walk down the hall and back, though hard it may be, we will get to return to our families.</p><p>6. No matter how many times I fall, the Lord will pick me up and forgive me. </p><p>7. Revelation is real. I never knew this until I had the opportunity to exercise the priesthood and lay my hands upon another's head and have my mind filled with concepts that needed to be shared with the person receiving the blessing. </p><p>8. The Book of Mormon is true. I have read it. I have studied it in my heart. I have prayed fervently to my Father in Heaven to ask him about the truthfulness of the book. I have followed the promise given to us throughout the scriptures that God will give us the answer if we seek it diligently. I prayed until I had a sincerity of heart and a true desire to know the answer to such a pivotal question in my life. I received that answer. I now know, have known since, and will always know that the Book of Mormon is what it claims to be.<br /></p><p>9. Man's epistemology is not God's epistemology. In other words, the scientific method will come up short for man when trying to gain a true knowledge of the gospel of Jesus Christ. The two paradigms (as the primary source for knowledge) are fundamentally in opposition. The first principle of the scientific method is to base conclusions on observed outcomes. The first principle of the gospel of Jesus Christ is faith. Faith, as Paul and Moroni tell us, are things hoped for and not seen. Using reason to understand spiritual principles is akin to using a hammer to undo a nut from a bolt. This is not to say that the hammer of reason is not a useful tool. However, to undo the mysteries of God, one must use the spiritual wrench of faith. The understanding of this fundamental distinction underlies the reason one will fail at gaining a testimony of celestial principles using any kind of logic, reason, philosophy, or scientific method. Man today would build a tower of babel using the bricks of reason to reach the heavens. This folly is as punctuated as much today as it was thousands of years ago; to climb to great heights, you must hit your knees.</p><p>10. There is no happiness like the happiness I feel when living the principles of the gospel. My mind is never as clear as it is when I'm living the principles of the gospel. My patience is never so great as it is when I'm living the principles of the gospel. As Lehi states in the first chapter of 2 Nephi, “And if it so be that they shall keep his commandments they shall be blessed upon the face of this land.”</p>Dallinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10177936649397913401noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341742512820314422.post-74746069925856611672009-03-10T13:17:00.002-06:002009-03-10T14:03:31.203-06:00(Unfinished) Home Box OfficeOkay Mormons, it's time for a critical thinking exercise.<br /><br />Which is more sacred? The temple ceremony or the physical intimacy reserved for marriage?<br /><br />My facebook and e-mail accounts have been flooded over the past week with cause invitations from people who have chosen to boycott HBO for its <a href="http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=5803281&autostart=y">upcoming plans to show portions of the LDS temple ceremony</a>. <br /><br />Rather than stampede through an open discussion of this topic here, I just want to use this forum to engage those of you readers in some critical thinking.<br /><br />HBO is about to display some of the LDS religion's most sacred rites on premium cable. This is also the network that has delivered to us approximately 784 installments of the show "Real Sex." <br /><br />This is why I asked the lead off question. Which is more sacred? There are no explicit penalties for sharing the temple ceremony; however, sexual sin makes it into the top 3, behind murder and <a href="http://library.lds.org/nxt/gateway.dll/Magazines/Ensign/1971.htm/ensign%20may%201971.htm/the%20king%20follett%20sermon.htm?f=templates$fn=document-frame.htm$3.0$q=$x=">the unpardonable sin.</a> <br /><br />I don't know the answer to the question that logically follows, but it should be asked: Is it worse to show a reproduction of the rites included in the temple, or to show sexually explicit material? <br /><br />Even if they are on the same plane, or in the same neighborhood, why haven't people boycotted HBO on the grounds of the latter?<br /><br />This is not a soapbox I'm trying to climb onto, but the conversation highlights how our sensitivities as a culture have developed and are currently manifest. <br /><br />Interestingly correlated to this, <a href="http://www.deseretnews.com/article/1,5143,705288350,00.html">is this dandy piece of information that my mother sent to me last week</a>. Yeah, Sevier in Sevier County, Utah is number one. Richfield is the county seat of Sevier; Richfield will always be what I consider home.Dallinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10177936649397913401noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341742512820314422.post-70382341433979543292009-01-05T10:16:00.012-07:002009-01-05T12:24:59.455-07:00Bump it up, Kris (I'm about to)Let's face it, I care way too much about some ridiculous things.<br /><br /><div></div><div>That's the only disclaimer I will give to the information that follows.</div><br /><div>An interesting phenomenon occurred in the 5 years that I was outside the Beehive State: Apparently an updated hairdo based on the state's nickname was created. I have called this the "Utah Bump." This is the younger cousin to the "<a href="http://s125.photobucket.com/albums/p65/delmar-tookis/?action=view&current=80s-big-hair.jpg">Utah Claw</a>" bangs.</div><br /><div>Here are some photo examples of what this Utah Bump looks like:</div><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsKmDvfT8EIrBBv4ELJu6R7FqNBFURU1nxDIRIWLAzcFjczKIcoXVhR9472njbejm8fc6ii2wzWRJXEAEvqcjsqbDd5Ra3UHp5H5wWalw8bUhb-NtGYyNSTcGHcEGQ2fLLTrp5arWQffA/s1600-h/Utah+Hair+1.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5287866468181583842" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 240px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsKmDvfT8EIrBBv4ELJu6R7FqNBFURU1nxDIRIWLAzcFjczKIcoXVhR9472njbejm8fc6ii2wzWRJXEAEvqcjsqbDd5Ra3UHp5H5wWalw8bUhb-NtGYyNSTcGHcEGQ2fLLTrp5arWQffA/s320/Utah+Hair+1.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /></div><br /><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><br /><div><br /><br /></div><br /><br /><br /><div></div><br /><div><em>This is the Utah Helmet subspecies of the Utah Bump. This is especially useful for protecting the heads of BYU co-eds after falling from their high horses. (Note the several trophy wedding announcements on the fridge)</em><br /></div><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjknUFFYARlAce5KITC8uko3shyNRBxH9wj2w0rjXjHbiU-5BsatM6OglABUuQZ1nS3Jrjq7BiKl3xas1rStICdFuZeE0-h9MbxXT2Nma-ohXHmAL9qFgcvHbQ3PppZmvqZ_80wNnz8Tg4/s1600-h/Utah+Hair+2.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5287868624982387970" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 180px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjknUFFYARlAce5KITC8uko3shyNRBxH9wj2w0rjXjHbiU-5BsatM6OglABUuQZ1nS3Jrjq7BiKl3xas1rStICdFuZeE0-h9MbxXT2Nma-ohXHmAL9qFgcvHbQ3PppZmvqZ_80wNnz8Tg4/s320/Utah+Hair+2.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><em>This chick is apparently an award winning hair stylist... from Ogden. Notice how it looks like the back of her head is either floating away, her hair is being pushed up by the gang of rodents living on the back of her head, or she is a robot with the service panel being left wide open after getting that over anxious smile and big empty look in her eyes.<br /></em><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEVD3ix2Tr9wyrNTN6h02FS2ZF57SI4Vmrvhj0lr7ihOeQ-MttDg3JjCVfYnYtJZzK1tvhWCVdYtgucC39-JFYj6g2SHERW4unXhybysk5o5zp5bGVBK3afMpKDmsshHNuwGa_ERtcVSg/s1600-h/Amy+Winehouse.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5287873193926891122" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 229px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 320px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEVD3ix2Tr9wyrNTN6h02FS2ZF57SI4Vmrvhj0lr7ihOeQ-MttDg3JjCVfYnYtJZzK1tvhWCVdYtgucC39-JFYj6g2SHERW4unXhybysk5o5zp5bGVBK3afMpKDmsshHNuwGa_ERtcVSg/s320/Amy+Winehouse.bmp" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><em>Amy Winehouse before her recent concert at the E-Center in West Valley. She said that she wished she could get her hair higher, but her brittle frame wouldn't support the weight of that much hair product. She did another line of coke to take the pressure off, hoping that she wouldn't be judged too much, stating she "just wanted to fit in."<br /></em><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuwb_79N_5hks5vJPMlS98h3tKYrUB0EymwwLubC0uO5l6UaR3ahkdurEpe5DdJLuzuCQCsLc5saADEXnAXYk0ZJNtt5_jWlTF58nzNaBqtlV7UWSrawqWObtOd1RpbWvkurOZM39hKUo/s1600-h/queen-amidala-754048.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5287881499610273826" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 230px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 320px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuwb_79N_5hks5vJPMlS98h3tKYrUB0EymwwLubC0uO5l6UaR3ahkdurEpe5DdJLuzuCQCsLc5saADEXnAXYk0ZJNtt5_jWlTF58nzNaBqtlV7UWSrawqWObtOd1RpbWvkurOZM39hKUo/s320/queen-amidala-754048.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><em>I saw this young woman (or someone who looked a lot like her) leaving a scrapbooking store in the Provo Towne Center recently.<br /></em><br />Who do I blame for all this bad hair? Well, it's hard to pin it down to just one set of people. For instance, one could hold culpable the masses of women who find it their responsibility to deem every hairstyle "cute" no matter how egregious the hair crime. Apparently the premise behind this is that all women have fragile self esteems, and therefore you do not want to topple their delicately arranged tower of crystal wine glasses by telling them they have a bad haircut. What then happens is that these women actually start to believe this and then perpetuate the madness.<br /><br />This is exacerbated by the legions of Mormon girls in Utah who decide that they want to go to <a href="http://dallinthoughts.blogspot.com/2008/06/tori-spelling.html">collage and become cosmotologists</a> so that they can give out plenty of <a href="http://dallinthoughts.blogspot.com/2008/03/love-spells.html">haircutes</a> to all their release society sisters. These poor girls are so out of touch with reality that they cannot be trusted for an honest evaluation of a person's hair style. Notice I am not referring to bona fide stylists, rather the dime-a-dozen, ambition-lacking, purple-spikey-haired legions relegated to servicing the walk-in crowd at Dollar Cuts.<br /><br />Now the phenomenon seems to be dying out, for which I am happy. However, like all bad things, it probably won't ever die. The fact that this is a fashion that has passed the way past its pirme point was confirmed to me while my sister and I were watching TV over the Christmas holiday. I have added the commercial for your consumption:<br /><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/EHPYPOo-oDQ&hl=en&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/EHPYPOo-oDQ&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />After seeing this commercial, my sister and I started a game where we would spot potential Bumpit users. Being that we were shopping in Utah County and at such highbrow stores as TJMaxx and Ross, you can only imagine how many in this product's market demographic we were able to spot. You might also be able to guess what my sister is going to get for her next birthday.<br /><br />Perhaps it's too early to recognize this hair style as a regrettable one (such as the Utah Claw in its heyday), but, it was difficult to find very many images on the internet of such hair. I think I might start a contest for the best example of the Utah Bump you can find and post. I might even throw in a set of Bumpits as a prize to the winner. Done and done. The contest is on!Dallinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10177936649397913401noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341742512820314422.post-67440385601763659682008-10-13T11:52:00.010-06:002011-04-23T11:42:38.508-06:00Hairy KiriI want to talk about one of the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eighth_Amendment_to_the_United_States_Constitution">cruelest torture </a>devices known to man: waxing.<br /><br />I meant "man" in that previous sentence, not mankind. While this procedure is probably most often used by women, it is clearly a torture device when deployed against men.<br /><br />Let me tell you about my experience.<br /><br />I went on another cruise. It was amazing. However, before going on the cruise, I did not want a reprise of my <a href="http://dallinthoughts.blogspot.com/2007/10/when-hairy-met-silly.html">successful competition in the hairy chest contest</a>. Luckily, a young woman from church offered to wax me on a pro-bono basis, provided I paid for the supplies.<br /><br />This seemed to me a welcome boon, as many of the salons were charging in excess of $100 for an equivalent service.<br /><br />I will get to the details of the waxing in a moment. But, permit me to skip ahead to the reaction I received from female friends.<br /><br />When I shared the fact that I had just gotten my upper torso waxed, without fail, I heard the same responses (in order of appearance):<br /><br />1 - <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9B-ZoS0wvU&eurl=http://video.google.com/videosearch?hl=en&rls=com.microsoft:en-US&resnum=0&q=schadenfreude&um=1&ie=U">Laughing</a><br />2 - "Now you know what we go through."<br />3 - "Did you bleed?"<br />4 - <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI">"Make sure you use sunscreen." </a><br />5 - "Are you going to keep it up?"<br /><br />After hearing this standard response, it became clear that this was indeed torture. The first clue was the concept of retribution. Women tend to go to extreme measures in the name of beauty. In many cases, I am thankful as a heterosexual male for their efforts. In other cases, I am not aware of these efforts as they are in one way or another invisible to me.<br /><br />However, retribution here is not tit-for-tat... er... rather... let's say quid pro quo.<br /><br />Allow me to illustrate:<br /><br />Exhibit A - Man Hair<br /><img style="-webkit-user-select: none" src="http://www.theluxuryspot.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/Hairy-Man-thumb-400x366.jpg" /><br /><br /><br />Exhibit B - Woman Hair<br /><a href="http://i195.photobucket.com/albums/z249/jg_65/hairy_woman_armpit_photo.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 167px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 232px" height="253" alt="" src="http://i195.photobucket.com/albums/z249/jg_65/hairy_woman_armpit_photo.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><p align="center"><a href="http://i195.photobucket.com/albums/z249/jg_65/hairy_woman_armpit_photo.jpg"></a></p>After my waxing experience, I learned that there are two general levels of pain associated with mass hair removal: "That really @#$%&*ing hurts" and momentary cardiac arrest. These levels have a statistical correlation (p <0.05) with area of the body and the amount of hair. In women, the amount of hair and location correspond to "this pain makes me want to kick a puppy" while for men like me (and the guy in the picture who suddenly makes me feel better about my situation) the hair is everywhere. The area that hurt the worst? My sternum. Imagine having all the hair on the top of your head ripped out simultaneously. That's what it felt like. Another reason the two aren't comparable, is that most women (I won't say 'no woman' - ew...) don't get anything waxed that takes two and a half hours to complete. Yes, it took the entire running of Star Wars III to complete my upper-body epilation. I can honestly say that that was the second most excruciating 150 minutes of my life. The first required extensive surgery and a week's stay in a hospital. <div><br /></div><div>As for the question of whether I bled? I didn't get to see my back, but as I watched the front, it looked like a lawn aerator from <a href="http://www.dingoezysolutions.com.au/24_jpg.jpg">lawn aerator</a> from <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gulliver%27s_Travels">Lilliput</a> had just run all over me.<br /><br />Interestingly, without fail, each of the women I talked to about this reiterated the warning: "Be sure to use sunscreen." Oh, I'm sorry, are you referring to that big shiny thing in the sky? That will burn you?!?!? For those of you who don't know, <a href="http://www.hotshotscanada.com/usrimage/cat147.jpg">the top of my head</a> is as bare as a newborn baby's butt. Ironically, I tried to get sun on my newly smoothed skin - and I couldn't get a tan, let alone a burn.<br /><br />I think this was due to extensive skin damage. For the first two days, whenever I would get anything that resembles a cold chill, my entire body winced in pain. If I got excited about something, my chest would tingle - and not in the happy good way. And the acne/ingrown hairs - my back must have looked like the face of the average teenage male fry cook at <a href="http://www.zaxbys.com/">Zaxby's</a>.<br /><br />Will I undergo this torture again? Really, before I did it, I had no idea it would be so excruciating and claimed that if my wife wanted me to, I would be happy to do so. Now, I'm rethinking that assertion. If my (future, yet to be named) wife insists that I go through with that kind of torture for her pleasure, the pleasure that I receive in reciprocation must match.<br /><br />You know, tit for tat.</div>Dallinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10177936649397913401noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341742512820314422.post-9298258064828283502008-09-02T09:46:00.003-06:002008-09-02T09:53:40.255-06:00Shameless Self PromotionI don't know why this didn't occur to me before this weekend, but, I am finally rolling out a project that started as a concept 2 years ago. <br /><br />Feel free to check it out at <a href="http://faithpromotingrumors.blogspot.com/">http://faithpromotingrumors.blogspot.com</a><br /><br />I have a few faith promoting rumors that I have researched, but need more. I'd love to hear from you the stories you've heard over the pulpit, from friends and family, or that extremely zealous member of the church where you served your mission. <br /><br />This is a very interesting phenomenon in the Latter-Day Saint movement, and, the project is aimed at compiling and discussing these faith promoting rumors that are passed back and forth so freely with sometimes little critical thought.<br /><br />The project will only be successful with participation from a variety of sources, so comment, discuss, bring up your own favorite faith promoting rumor. I'll work to research it, post it, and update old posts as more information comes to light.Dallinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10177936649397913401noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341742512820314422.post-26240869631924716012008-08-27T08:54:00.011-06:002008-09-01T10:46:53.422-06:00Fit to be tiedYesterday I went to the gym after work. On the mornings that I plan on going to the gym I pack a back pack with gym clothes and a towel. That way, I can go right after work and just change there. As I was changing, I realized I did not pack a t-shirt.<br /><br />Great.<br /><br />The fear of this happening always lurked in the back of my mind as a possibility. It finally snuck up and had me in a stranglehold of reality.<br /><br />Realizing there was a mall right across the street, I thought I would run over there and pick up a cheap shirt on sale. So, as I was walking into <a href="http://www.dillards.com/">Dillards</a>... Yeah, <a href="http://www.arktimes.com/blogs/arkansasblog/2007/08/dillards_sucks.aspx">Dillards</a>. Who goes shopping for a work-out shirt at Dillards? Me, that's who (what's wrong with me?). So, as I was walking into Dillards, I was approached by a sales associate that must have been able to read the confusion on my face that I was there with intentions of buying clothes in which I was going to sweat profusely. Luckily for her and for me, I spotted a Nike section in a remote corner just as she was asking me if I needed help.<br /><br />After I declined her assistance, she commented that I looked "as lost as a cow on afroturf." Yep. Shecalled it "<a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Afro-Turf">afroturf</a>." I wasn't sure the first time, but, upon its repetition, she definitely called it "afroturf" twice. Two times. Apparently this young woman has been on the giving and/or receiving of many white kids schoolyard jokes. Unfortunately, this woman was easily in her early thirties.<br /><br />I finally wandered over to the Nike section to find some stuff on sale. I found some of those tighter-fitting "Dri-fit" workout shirts, and thought to myself, "I have never purchased nor have I received one of these as a gift. I must purchase one and introduce it to my stable of upper torso coverings." I found one in the color and size that I thought most appropriate to my allegiances and girth. I rang it up and went back to the gym. As soon as this shirt came over top of my head, I realized something was afoot. It tended to cling to my body and show off various contours that I was at the gym to try to remove. When I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I felt like the biggest poseur in the world. Like I was that guy who was trying to look the part of a fitness junkie, but my physique belied my rouse.<br /><br />Needless to say, I spent $15 on a shirt that will probably never see the light of day again. The Dri-Fit technology worked, in that it captured so much water (read: man sweat) that if dropped on the scale after the workout, it would have weighed more than I do. This must be the same moisture removal technology I saw at the Olympics during the diving competitions.<br /><br />So, I walked around super self conscious yesterday, which sped up my workout considerably. Maybe it will become my "speedy" workout shirt. Not only will it make me want to get out of it as soon as possible, its sheer... um... sheer will also cut down on any potential wind resistance. But, then I'll become satisfied with its performance which will lead to a feeling of being comfortable in the shirt and then I won't feel so self aware and then it will become yet another workout shirt. I never win.Dallinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10177936649397913401noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341742512820314422.post-50194201366870613712008-08-07T07:49:00.004-06:002008-08-07T08:49:32.460-06:00Go FishSo, I recognize that the vast majority of my readership is female (read: only my mom reads my blog), which is why I'm simultaneously apprehensive and inspired to write about this. <br /><br />I'm writing about a phenomenon that I have observed in my dealing with several women in my life. I would say that it's a communication problem, but that would insinuate that at some point during the aforementioned phenomenon an actual two-sided exchange occurred. Here's the abstract of the situation:<br /><br />Woman has expectations as to how a situation is supposed to go.<br /><br />Situation does not meet preconceived expectations.<br /><br />Woman expresses her disappointment that reality does not fit fantasy, and challenges the man to convince her that her fantasy is indeed intact.<br /><br />Man is placed in a compromised position, facing the impossible task of convincing a woman of something she refuses to believe, despite his statements to the contrary.<br /><br />Okay, here's how the situation has actually manifested itself (Note to any woman with whom I've had this or a similar conversation who believes in self-torture enough to be reading this blog still: this is an amalgam of several similar conversations, not a transcript of our particular conflagration):<br /><br />Girl: "Is everything okay?"<br />Dallin: "Yep"<br />Girl: "I knew something was wrong! Why didn't you tell me?"<br />Dallin: "What?"<br />Girl: "Tell me that everything is okay between us."<br />Dallin: "I already did. Everything is okay between us."<br />Girl: "You're such a liar. Why do you have to be such a liar?"<br />Dallin: "What?"<br />Girl: "All I ever asked for from you was honesty."<br /><br />At this point, I'm screwed. There is no point in trying to talk to someone who has her (or his) mind made up about a situation. So my response is the same: "I refuse to argue with you about this. I've already told you that everything's all right. You will believe what you want to believe." This is usually met with awkward silence. And a quick trip to wherever I picked this girl up. <br /><br />So, with all that said, I'd like to know about the mechanics of this kind of a technique. What are the intended results? What is the motivation?<br /><br />Clearly this is a manipulation tool. The person who uses this tactic is looking for an excuse to be the victim. They want to demoralize you through their own autodemoralization. A friend recently commented on this concept when talking about fishing for compliments. She said, "When people are fishing for a compliment, they're going to be hurt if you don't say something nice. But then, they won't believe you if you do, anyway. So, why say something you don't mean? It won't make them feel better anyway." <br /><br />Exactly. People who do this do not want you to correct their view on the situation; they want to be miserable and to make you feel just as miserable as they are. <br /><br />What gets me here is the total lack of trust in the assertions contrary to their assumptions. This indicates to me at that point that maybe I was wrong to think that things were going okay. To quote Ben Folds, "<a href="http://www.lyricsdomain.com/2/ben_folds/trusted.html">It seems to me if you can't trust, you can't be trusted</a>."<br /><br />Until someone convinces me otherwise, I refuse to engage in conversations that are obviously set up so that there's a winner and a loser. That way, I win.Dallinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10177936649397913401noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341742512820314422.post-43230279467746935742008-06-30T22:40:00.002-06:002008-07-01T11:56:00.654-06:00Bad Spellings other than ToriI found some more. I knew that I would. More evidence that people are stuck in cruise control most of the time. Especially when it comes time to express themselves through written... er... typed word.<br /><br /><strong><em>Whittey </em></strong>- this is the adjective that describes a person that exemplifies the term "<a href="http://www.thefreedictionary.com/whit">whit</a>." So, basically when a girl says she's looking for a "whittey" guy, she's looking for <a href="http://www.geocities.com/drclueful/iggypop.jpg">this guy</a>, <a href="http://www.ataritimes.com/images/movies/roadtrip.jpg">this guy</a>, or for you emo girls, <a href="http://morganrants.files.wordpress.com/2008/02/skinny1.jpg">these guys</a>. <a href="http://fc05.deviantart.com/fs12/f/2006/331/8/b/Reinvent_by_dogeatdog5.jpg">Here</a>'s a whittey fellow that is just "ew." (By the way, a google image search for "anorexic man" reveals <a href="http://www.admit-one.net/webimages/rollingbones.jpg">this tasty nugget</a>.)<br /><br /><strong><em>Defiantly </em></strong>- Okay, before you get up in arms about how this is a perfectly legit word that is legitimately perfect in its spelling, tell me what is wrong with the following sentence: I defiantly look forward to going to church on Sunday. Keep in mind that the person who wrote this was sporting her <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personal_Progress">Young Womanhood Award</a>. So, I'm pretty sure that she didn't exhibit faith, divine nature, individual worth, et al., with open defiance. This error doesn't pop up much anymore because the microsoft spell checker no longer corrects "definately" as "defiantly" as it used to.<br /><br /><strong><em>When never </em></strong>- "Oh Rhett, when never will you ask me to marry you?" Scarlett asked longingly<br />"When?" replied Rhett, "Never."<br /><br /><strong><em>Principals of the Church </em></strong>- I guess if we can have Sunday School Superintendents, we have people who will teach the Principals of the church. I will admit, that during my 4 years in Mormon seminary I defiantly paid attention to the Principals of the church.<br /><br /><strong><em>"No pain, no game." </em></strong>- For real? This probably explains such sports as Hockey, <a href="http://cache.viewimages.com/xc/71977818.jpg?v=1&c=ViewImages&k=2&d=17A4AD9FDB9CF193875DCB1DD8387ABB962459A7F0E18C37A40A659CEC4C8CB6">American Football</a>, Australian Rules Football, Rugby, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mesoamerican_ballgame#Human_sacrifice">Mesoamerican Ballgame</a>, and <a href="http://www.trueaggies.com/images/Photos/MBasketball/12-16-06MBB/IMG_2418.jpg">Church Ball</a>.<br /><br /><em><strong>Collage -</strong> </em>My mom and various other detractors might argue that my experience and degree at Utah State might be accurately described by this term. I do wonder if cosmotologists go to beauty collages. While we're on this subject, I am a big proponent of post-secondary education at any level, but, to call a 4-month program where you learn to cut hair and set a perm a "college" seems to water the term down just a little. I remember when I was preparing to go to grad school at <a href="http://www.vt.edu/">Virginia Tech</a>, I mentioned this to some people from home and they said, "Like Sevier Valley Tech?" SVATC, or Sevier Valley Tech, is now <a href="http://www.scr.snow.edu/">Snow College Richfield Campus</a>, and is where most of my high school graduating class spent their senior year learning auto mechanics or <a href="http://www.scr.snow.edu/faculty/department.php?page=general">cosmetology</a>.<br /><br /><strong><em>Daploma- </em></strong>Apparently this is what you get when you graduate from collage. I defiantly want to get my collage daploma as a cosmotology technition.Dallinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10177936649397913401noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341742512820314422.post-70459344898912760972008-05-19T10:32:00.006-06:002008-05-31T12:32:58.187-06:00Random Musings! Part DeuxOkay, these are some thoughts that I have had stewing in my head for some time. If you don't agree, deal with it.<br /><br />Women under the age of 25 should not be allowed to name their own children. The demand for therapists in the next 15-25 years will explode due to all of the people named "Nautica," "Mattix," "Apple," "Easton" (named after the manufacturer of arrow shafts and baseball bats), "Miller Lite," "Microsoft," "Voting Machine," "Peter Lemonjello," and everyone listed on <a href="http://badbabynames.blogspot.com/">this website.</a><br /><br />Pets are imaginary friends for grown-ups.<br /><br />So is the "<a href="http://lpinvestigators.googlepages.com/">paranormal</a>." (Yeah, that's my brother's website...)<br /><br />Really. They are both examples of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anthropomorphism">anthropomorphism</a>.Dallinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10177936649397913401noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341742512820314422.post-86615110763810419002008-05-19T07:37:00.002-06:002008-05-19T08:28:39.267-06:00Dollar CutsYesterday, browsing through the Sunday paper advertising circulars, I was filled with disbelief at what I saw. No, it wasn't the <a href="http://www.asseenontvguys.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWPROD&ProdID=352">home shredder</a> nor was it the latest <a href="http://www.franklinmint.com/product1.aspx?SID=2&Product_ID=8467">"collectible" from the Franklin Mint</a>. The Dollar Tree has brought us delicately priced delicacies: 4 oz frozen steaks for $1.<br /><br />Now the company you turn to when you don't care enough to go to Hallmark for greeting cards is selling steaks. This is clearly for the consumer who likes the flavor of meat on the way down and on the way back up.<br /><br />I can only understand this in terms of Dollar Tree's need to move other goods. They must have a huge surplus (someone mistakenly ordering 1,500,000 cases instead of 150,000) of either <a href="http://www.angelsoft.com/">Moderately Soft</a> brand toilet paper or the dollar-sized bottles of <a href="http://www.imodium.com/">Imodium AD</a>.<br /><br />Or, it just occured to me that this is the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atkins_Nutritional_Approach">Atkins diet</a> meets <a href="http://www.womenshealth.gov/faq/easyread/bulnervosa-etr.htm">bulimia</a>: not only is it carb-free, it will purge your system for at least a week. <br /><br />In light of the recent <a href="http://www.usatoday.com/money/industries/food/2008-05-17-meat-recall_N.htm?loc=interstitialskip">e-coli outbreaks in meat products</a> being distributed, you won't see me running to the nearest Dollar Tree to load up on these bite-sized dandies. I could stand to lose a few pounds, however. . . Somehow I think that an hour every day on the bike at the gym is less torturous.Dallinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10177936649397913401noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341742512820314422.post-33591028414936777042008-03-24T08:18:00.006-06:002008-04-21T14:46:58.001-06:00Love SpellsI have been a member of several online social networking sites (read: internet dating sites) for some time now. One thing that never ceases to amaze me is the vast diversity in spelling of seemingly familiar words. I'm not really surprised when people have difficulty spelling unfamiliar or particularly difficult words. I mean, I'm not even sure if I'm ever spelling <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis">pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis</a> correctly. That means the average person might not know if he or she is ever spelling a word like 'receive' correctly. I usually have to stop and think about that one, too.<br /><br />What I find interesting is that the word being misspelled is so familiar that this person really should know better. Here are a few real examples of what I am talking about:<br /><br /><strong>technition</strong> - Now, I had to stop and think about this one for a second. The word looked different at first, and I couldn't place my finger on what was weird about it. Then it hit me. The word is "Technician." I then did a google search to see if "technition" was possibly some new tech-savvy position... posician... Much to my relief it replied, "Did you mean: <em>technician</em>" Again, alarming to me, were the <a href="http://www.google.com/search?q=technition">number of uses of this non-word</a>. Many of them were in reference to jobs. Not only by the people looking for information about said employment, but also by companies looking for *cringe* technitions. One useful application of this word could be incorporated into some kind of an R&B hit by R Kelly, "Technition (Remix)"<br /><br /><strong>cosmotologist </strong>- Here's another one. The first thing I thought when I saw this was, "if this is your profession, wouldn't you know how to spell your title correctly?" Apparently not. I can think of a couple of reasons why a stylist might choose to be considered a "cosmotologist." The first has to do with a specialty of recreating styles and cuts from the popular women's magazine, "<a href="http://www.cosmopolitan.com/">Cosmopolitan</a>." Perhaps, clients will show up and say they want the haircut that's on page 356 of the March 2007 Cosmo. A properly trained cosmotologist could reproduce such a thing without having to consult the magazine. The second is a reference to the cosmos. From such a root we get words like cosmonaut, cosmologist, and, surprisingly, cosmetics and cosmetologist. But, while the root is the same in the Greek, referring to arrangement or order, I'm supposing that it has more to do with the more recent reference to outer space. It should be pretty obvious where I'm going with this, so I won't go any farther than saying this: Cosmotologists are obviously responsible for many <a href="http://www.artybees.co.nz/bizarre-book-images/past-their-expiry-date/hair-care-eek-1.jpg">hair</a> <a href="http://www.123-hairstyles-ideas.com/images/veryshorthairstyles071.jpg">crimes</a> <a href="http://i80.photobucket.com/albums/j197/_Underoath12_/scene%20hair/1523357062_l.jpg">against</a> <a href="http://ec3.images-amazon.com/images/P/B000ERU3PG.01._SS500_SCLZZZZZZZ_V64884696_.jpg">nature</a>.<br /><br /><strong>haircute </strong>- If you have any of the above referenced haircuts, you did not just receive a haircute, you received a hairuglyashell. Apparently, the people who use this word forgot one of the lessons of reading where the 'e' comes around and bites the vowel to make it say "oo!"<br /><br /><strong>cuttie </strong>- This is one I see a lot. It's basically the opposite problem of the last one. It reminds me of "<a href="http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/cutting.html">cutting</a>" and, that is not something I think is very attractive. So, when I see a profile for "UtahCuttie4U" <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uUjIA3Rt7gk">I run. Run so far away</a>.<br /><br /><strong>martial status </strong>- This one is my favorite dating site flub. Perhaps the reason you're single is because you think marriage is martial. Or because you signed up for a Karate class thinking it was a marital art.<br /><br />As I come across and remember more of these, I'll do another installment. For now, what are some of your favorite misspellings?Dallinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10177936649397913401noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341742512820314422.post-47737323194012665982008-03-04T11:18:00.015-07:002008-03-05T08:58:59.254-07:00The lady doth protest too much, methinksIt's been a while since the last post. I actually wrote half of this one already, but due to operator error, I lost it. This is probably a month overdue. However, I had to write about this.<br /><br />During my time away from life behind the Zion Curtain (July 2001 - August 2006) a phenomenon developed: "Clean Flicks" movie rental stores. A place where people could go to rent or purchase movies with all the naughty or prurient content removed. Of course, I'm sure this was immediately popular among those Utah county residents who were more concerned with living the <a href="http://library.lds.org/nxt/gateway.dll/Magazines/Ensign/1993.htm/ensign%20november%201993.htm/touch%20not%20the%20evil%20gift%20nor%20the%20unclean%20thing.htm?fn=document-frame.htm$f=templates$3.0">letter of the law</a> when movies were too scintillating for the <a href="http://library.lds.org/nxt/gateway.dll/Magazines/Ensign/1993.htm/ensign%20november%201993.htm/touch%20not%20the%20evil%20gift%20nor%20the%20unclean%20thing.htm?fn=document-frame.htm$f=templates$3.0">spirit of the law</a>. Such an enterprise made me skeptical for a pair of reasons.<br /><br />The first was reminiscent to me of the practice of showing edited-for-content movies at the BYU student center. The question that routinely came up was "Who is editing these movies?" The same thing made me wonder about the Clean Flicks stores. Generally, people doing good things deserve the benefit of the doubt. In our utopic minds we probably tell ourselves the story of the genesis of this kind of service as follows:<br /><blockquote>A person finds himself or herself frustrated that many of the high-budget or critically acclaimed movies contain language, violence, or sexual content that are offensive. In an attempt to promote the general welfare (provide for the common defense, establish a more perfect union, truth, justice, and the American way...) they opened a store where families can find fun for a Friday night.</blockquote>Usually, however, the very cynical version is usually not called to mind:<br /><blockquote>A person realizes that there is a lot of complaining about not being able to watch movies from his or her coworkers. Upon further investigation, these people are talking about how much they wanted to see Schindler's List, but Speilberg decided to put some more color in the movie than just the little girl in the red coat. Such an entrepreneur sees a market and realizes that someone who isn't offended by the content could remove this from the movies and open up a shop that caters to this demographic. He obviously doesn't care to research copyright laws or to realize that to edit movies in this fashion subjects him (let's face it, it's probably going to be a<br />dude) to focusing on the objectionable parts of all movies he edits. The idea is to make money, and he'll stoop to this level of self-debasement and exploitation to do just that.</blockquote><br />My other objection to this is purely on an ethical/legal point of view. Namely, it's illegal to copy movies and distribute them. There is a lot of "yeah, but" that comes with this. Isn't it okay if he buys a copy of each movie that he edits then rents? Isn't it okay if he sells the unedited version of the copy with the edited one? Isn't this about the directors trying to exercise control over their 'art'? No. It's about copyright and distribution. If the studio had no property interest in their right to control how many copies exist, how movies are distributed, and, subsequently, how much they can charge to do so with their copyrighted work, there would be no sense in having copyright laws. The reason you are in business is the same reason they are: to create wealth.<br /><br />In January, I heard a news report about the story found <a href="http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/01/25/national/main3753682.shtml">here.</a> Now, it's a good chance that Clean Flicks is a company founded under the principles from my utopic story. They were taken to <a href="http://www.reason.com/news/show/36730.html">court over their copyright infringement and lost,</a> but they <a href="http://www.cleanflicks.com/learnMore.php?PHPSESSID=642a1bc677e952865cc0b0ed4307f0dc">remain committed to providing quality, family friendly flicks.</a> Which, in my opinion, should have been their aim in the first place.<br /><br />It is important to note that one day in late 2005 I decided to remove all rated R movies from my collection. I just felt like I needed to get in the habit and clean up the media that I am watching.<br /><br />This leads to the following questions. Is it possible to edit a film entirely? You may be able to mute out a word, remove a scene with lewdness, or chop up a fight scene to exclude some of the blood, but, how do you edit a movie's theme? I remember a quote from my younger days: "If you add a teaspoon of wine to a barrel of sewage, you still have sewage. If you add a teaspoon of sewage to a barrel of wine you now have more sewage."<br /><br />Since January 25, Clean Flicks has launched quite a <a href="http://www.freecleanflicks.com/">public relations campaign</a> to distance themselves from Daniel Thompson. Furthermore they have filed a suit against him that seeks, among other things, $100,000 under the Cyberpiracy Prevention Act. I have the same question that those at <a href="http://arstechnica.com/news.ars/post/20080205-sex-drugs-and-dirty-movies-cleanflicks-sues-cyberpirate.html">Ars Technica</a> do - is it hypocritical for a company to turn around and sue someone else for intellectual property infringement right after it has been sued for infringing on copyright laws?<br /><br />But, this Thompson character fits the mold of the cynical view. He is willing to debase himself for money, and when he gets that money, he is willing to debase himself even further. The worst of this all is that he was soliciting minors. To raise the churn-your-gut ante, from what reports implicate, there was potential of this kind of activity to be recorded using a camera set-up connected to a television in the back room where pornographic material was found.<br /><br />It is critical for those of us who are in the world and trying not to be of the world to use critical thinking skills. When we are faced with something that is commercial, yet plays to something that we hold sacred, we should exercise some scrutiny.Dallinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10177936649397913401noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341742512820314422.post-73954650250071203072007-12-10T09:17:00.000-07:002007-12-10T12:19:05.055-07:00Truly, Truly, Truly OutrageousWhere's the outrage?<br /><br />Where are the scores of political pundits dissecting this exchange?<br /><br />How can this be okay in an America that embraces inclusion, lauds diversity, is founded on religious freedom?<br /><br />Last night I got a phone call from a former supervisor asking me about the current presidential race. To start with, he said, "I'm calling you because you're a Mormon and because I'm Black." He started off talking about Mitt Romney's candidacy and how he didn't like <a href="http://mitt-tv.mittromney.com/?showid=718280">Mitt's speech from last week</a>. He brought up the fact that there is a Black man running for president and the controversy is over the LDS candidate. We then proceded to discuss how this fit into many previous discussions he and I had while working together on the University of South Carolina Housing diversity committee.<br /><br />I credit many, if not most, of the thoughts in this blog to Demetrius. What follows is an amalgam of issues he brought up last night and my thoughts and perspectives as a member of the LDS faith.<br /><br />Six months ago, Mitt Romney was campaigning in a diner in small-town New Hampshire. As he made his rounds, he ran into a patron who stated <a href="http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/politics/2007/05/29/sot.nh.romney.cricized.faith.cnn">"I'm one person who will not vote for a Mormon"</a> But, this wasn't all, Romney asked the gentleman (later identified as Al Michaud) if he would at least shake his hand, anyway.<br /><br />Michaud refused.<br /><br />But, not only did he refuse, he boldly, vehemently refused. He refused Romney's handshake the same way a 2 year old refuses vegetables at the dinner table. Arms folded, body turning away from Romney, and emphatically stating, "no."<br /><br />What?<br /><br />Why was this okay? Sure Michaud is an elderly gentleman who might not be so keen on the feel-good political correctness that has come into vogue over the past few decades, but, the response is what is more interesting.<br /><br />Let's switch this up a bit. Let's just change two things about this scenario and see if the reaction is the same. Let's say that Barack Obama is in New Hampshire at the same Diner and he hears an old White man say, "I am one person who will not vote for a Black." Senator Obama responds, "Well, can I shake your hand anyway?" Then Michaud folds his arms and responds with the same "No." I'll bet most people out there would expect Michaud's next comment to be, "And make sure you sit at the back of the bus."<br /><br />Why does the first scenario warrant a smile and a simple walk away from Romney with only a relatively little fanfare, while the second one would get Michaud fired from his radio talk show (if he had one)?<br /><br />I think that racial tensions and struggles are complex. Our country has been willing to fight, even go to war, over tensions based on race relations. Religious tensions, however, are incredibly personal and complex, maybe moreso than race. History has taught us that wars have been fought over religion time and time again. People have been willing to kill their neighbor in the name of religions that espouse the dual ethics of <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Exodus+20:13">thou shalt not kill</a> and <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:18;&version=9;">thou shalt love thy neighbor</a>.<br /><br />Our country keeps the religious conflict in balance by choosing to fight our wars with words and jokes and selective intolerance in lieu of picking up the gun. This, I am sure, is also due to increased secularism.<br /><br />Regardless of why this is, the facts of the situation revolve around the observable that would tell you that religious diversity does not enjoy the same societal protection as our pet projects of racial, ableist, or sexual diversity.<br /><br />It's unfortunate that Mitt Romney felt compelled to address faith in America. Not that the topic isn't germane or that his points weren't valid. It's unfortunate that he feels that our country hasn't conquered the bigotry that was evidenced when a Catholic was elected for the first time.<br /><br />I'm not about to be militant, but, I will continue to be assertive. As a Christian, as a Mormon, as an individual, I will continue to fight for my right to worship my God as I please. I will continue to fight for the right of my neighbor to do the same. I believe in the fundamental tenets of the diversity movement, from a religious standpoint, that all men and women are spiritual sons and daughters of God who have been endowed with the most sacred gift of freedom of choice.<br /><br />I reminisced with Demetrius last night about a request I made to him while he was my supervisor that I would like to request that we not schedule mandatory meetings or plan for work on Sunday, as this was in conflict with the way that I wished to practice my religion. When he took this up the chain, the message that came back was less than accommodating. Departmental meetings were still scheduled for Sundays. I was still expected to attend.<br /><br />I wonder how this would have been different had I been any other religion than Latter-Day Saint.<br /><br />I'm not okay with the "Christian Mainstream" telling me that I'm not a Christian any more than I'm okay with the all-White jury making decisions about racially-motivated crimes.<br /><br />And, I hope that Mitt finds a way to define himself as a candidate based on his ability to lead the nation, and not as the "Mormon candidate" the same way Obama is not the "Black candidate" - just simply a candidate who is Black.Dallinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10177936649397913401noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341742512820314422.post-40763452174620886572007-10-23T14:48:00.001-06:002008-04-21T14:56:04.136-06:00Face ValueThere's finally proof.<br /><br />The older I get, the more I believe that Jr. High is a microcosm of society in general.<br /><br />One of the most important lessons I learned at <a href="http://www.sevier.k12.ut.us/Sevier_School_District/RHMS.html">Red Hills Middle School</a> is that when it comes to leadership, competence and position have almost nothing to do with success. This lesson carried with me through High School and on to college. Charisma counts. Having "the look" counts.<br /><br />When I took an Organizational Leadership class in grad school, a PhD level Psychology class, we learned that it almost doesn't matter if you have the traits of a good leader. What matters more, according to some studies, is that people believe that you have those traits. (See: <a href="http://scholar.google.com/scholar?q=implicit+leadership+theory&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=ws">Implicit Leadership Theory</a>)<br /><br />However, I had a hard time reconciling the idea that people were surely smarter than blindly following who they liked and the idea that people were surely dumb enough to blindly follow who they liked.<br /><br />I mean, certainly it wasn't as simple as people swinging wildly to a <a href="http://www.historynow.org/09_2004/historian2.html">Kennedy election in 1960</a> after seeing both candidates side-by-side. Surely image management is only one facet campaign managers need to manage.<br /><br />But, today, the belief that I held in the deepest pit of my stomach was confirmed.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.usatoday.com/tech/science/discoveries/2007-10-22-politicians-snap-judgments_N.htm?loc=interstitialskip">USA Today reports on a Princeton University study</a> that "a snap judgment on a candidate's competence with just a quick glance ... accurately predicted election outcomes in about 70% of gubernatorial and U.S. Senate races last year."<br /><br />Yup, just by quickly looking at pictures of two candidates, people were able to predict senate elections with over 70% accuracy.<br /><br />No wonder candidates are wishy washy and soft on the issues... that only accounts for 30% of a person's electability.<br /><br />So, if this is how we have chosen our leaders for the last 50 years, why don't we just have some election reform? This is what I propose:<br /><br />Gather anyone and everyone who has desire to handle the pressures and criticism and responsibility of being president. I think that will bring in probably around 300,000 people. Then, we'll give them all a shot before Randy, Paula, and Simon. Tryouts will be held at stadiums across the US. Simon will be granted a vote, because, let's be honest, all Anglophones still care about the House of Windsor.<br /><br />After they go through the initial screening, and we have 10,000 left, Mtv will host a series of weekly elimination rounds. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TvqsNT9Dn8">Jenny McCarthy and some other guy</a> (doesn't matter who, I mean, who can concentrate with Jenny on stage?) will host them. There will be plenty of superficial categories (who needs to know about gun control or abortion when a good question about Britney or Paris will do?) that will weed the candidates down to a pool of 4 reds and 4 blues.<br /><br />The primaries will be greatly simplified. A myspace page will be created for each candidate where fans can log on and post adoring or critical comments. The presidential pretenders will also be allowed to blog and to link to their favorite you tube videos. Based on the number of friends each candidate has added during the primaries, the final two will be chosen.<br /><br />At this point, I think the old system should still work... after all, it's what is outlined in the constitution. Parties, primaries, all that other shiz that people want you to think is your right and is beneficial to the system (and is part of the system)? Made up. Yeah, it's all made up. You wanna know why you don't have the right to vote in a democratic primary if you're a registered republican? Because it's the way the party chooses the candidate it's going to endorse. I think I will tear my radio out of the car if I hear one more caller on a talk radio program complain about not being afforded the "right" to vote in all primaries.<br /><br />And the electoral college? I love it. The federal government is a government set up as an association of the states. The states elect the president, you don't. Get over it.<br /><br />Finally, for all the candidates, why campaign if all people need to see is your face? Hire a professional Hollywood head shot photographer. I have seen all kinds of pictures on singles websites that look like the hot older sister of the girl I just picked up. When I ask our mutual friends why she doesn't look like she did in the picture, I get the response, "Oh, that's cause it's a head shot." What amazing technology! They can make anyone look hot! No wonder that kid that played the catcher in the Sandlot has an acting career.<br /><br />Look out for Young/Blackburn 2012. I'm hiring Tony Little as my trainer, Carmindy as my make-up artist, and Ansel Adams' ghost as my photographer (he made Georgia O'Keeffe look good).Dallinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10177936649397913401noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341742512820314422.post-79250740917699733482007-10-12T10:15:00.000-06:002007-10-12T14:24:03.236-06:00Non SequiturSo, I logged on to CNN.com today, to get my daily (monthly) news fix.<br /><br />I casually glanced to see today's "Most Viewed" stories - and I lost faith in mankind. Here is the list:<br /><br />1. Mom accused of buying boy's rifle<br />2. Writer suspect of dismembering... (sic) (and sick...)<br />3. Gore, IPCC share Nobel Peace Prize<br />4. Turkey 'accepts invasion fallout'<br />5. Drew Carey engaged<br />6. Snoop Dogg to pick up trash<br />7. Study charts global abortion trend<br />8. Putin warns US in missile talks<br /><br />Okay, do I even need to go on?<br /><br />Let's start with the fact that #5 is more popular than #8.<br /><br />Maybe it's because we've all seen too many Tom Clancy movies and have become desensitized, maybe it's because we don't take Russia seriously anymore, and maybe it's because we've all seen <a href="http://www.cbs.com/innertube/index.php?src=email&vid=163308&format=wmvflv">this commercial </a>and couldn't believe that this guy is not only taking over the single most popular game show of all time (sorry, Jeopardy, but, more people know that rice-a-roni costs $1.49 a package than know that Putin is the president of Russia) but actually found someone to marry him.<br /><br />Don't get me wrong. I have love for Drew Carey for 3 reasons: (a) his stand-up comedy before he made it big was hilarious, (b) we're both chunky jocular funny guys, and (c) we're in the same fraternity.<br /><br />But, I think that it's probably a bigger deal that Russia is threatening us during missle talks than some fat guy getting married to a cook (even though she's probably hot.) That's not newsworthy, that's macroeconomics - supply and demand.<br /><br />The next item up for bid...<br /><br />I may do an entire post on this concept, but, I'll leave it at this: Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize. This is proof that Europeans hate Americans.<br /><br />Where to next?<br /><br />Snoop Dogg picks up trash for carrying illegal firearms, while a mother's name is dragged through the trash for purchasing them for her son. I think there is a link here. Mom is probably a huge fan of Death Row records and was influenced by Cordozar Calvin Broadus Jr. (who goes through life named Cordozar and thinks that it's a legacy that he should pass on to his son?) I think that the punishment for both the mom and the Dogg is that they should have to marry each other.<br /><br />What else is disturbing is that someone actually stated that Mr. Broadus, Jr. is "glad to make a contribution to Orange County." referring to his punishment of picking up trash. I don't think anyone can consider anything done as restitution or the result of censure a "contribution."<br /><br />I think I'll go steal a car, and then when I give it back, I'll write off the full value of the car as a "contribution" to Washington County.<br /><br />This doesn't surprize me, however... the concept of "newsworthy" is necessarily a market-driven one. The culture that drives the market, however, is shaped by conscious choices portrayed by the higher classes (see any Cultural Anthro 101 textbook). People will argue that Mtv is showing programs that are abhorrent because that's what people want to watch... that might be half true. However, Mtv and other mass entertainment conglomerates are also creating and spreading norms with their programming.<br /><br />This leads me to some tangential thoughts:<br /><br />When will our society realize that the pushing of "hip hop culture" is just contemporary Amos and Andy?<br /><br />Is Eminem the Al Jolson of our day?<br /><br />Also, what's the deal with the current fascination with white trash?Dallinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10177936649397913401noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341742512820314422.post-37365350951192626382007-10-04T09:37:00.002-06:002008-07-01T12:35:48.096-06:00When Hairy met SillyI just got back from a <a href="http://www.carnival.com/Itinerary.aspx?embkCode=LAX&groupInd=&itinCode=LA8&shipCode=PA&durDays=4&subRegionCode=MB">4 day Carnival cruise</a>. I highly recommend this kind of vacation.<br /><br />While on this cruise ship, I was walking up with a friend or two onto the main deck where most of the people in our group were laying out, talking, or enjoying the live music. Just as I get onto the deck, the announcer guy comes on and declares the hairy chest competition about to begin.<br /><br />Now, here's some disclosure - I know I probably seem pretty darn sexy to everyone, but, beneath the clothes I am more than just moderately <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_hair">hairy</a>. So, I look at a couple of my friends, and I say, "Should I go win this?" and take off my shirt. As I am walking up to the stage, the announcer guy starts laughing and says, "Oh my gosh, here comes Chewbacca"<br /><br />They get 7 of us up there on stage for this contest. And they got this girl/woman to be the judge. I guess if you're willing to have hairy men come dance all up on you and to run your fingers through chest hair, you have to be a particularly "easy going" kind of a girl. I think this describes her, particularly the "easy" part.<br /><br />So, each contestant had to give her a lap dance. She then eliminated contestants. Yeah, I said lap dance... and I did lap dance.<br /><br />Scandalous.<br /><br />Then, we each had to show off our best breakdancing moves. I did the <a href="http://howtodotherobot.com/robot.htm">robot</a>, the wave, and yes, you guessed it.... a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spin_%28breakdance_move%29">backspin</a>. (with no shirt on).<br /><br />She then narrowed it down to two contestants, and we were both from St. George. The final test was that she got to come rub her hands through the chest hair. Yes, miss thang came and she ran her hands through my chest hair.<br /><br />Again, scandalous.<br /><br />Once she was done with that, she was supposed to make her choice for the winner. At which point she demanded a dance off. The announcer was only too happy to oblige... with <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fQiMQzwGPA">YMCA</a>. When it comes to disco, <a href="http://filebox.vt.edu/users/dayoung1/Dalpics/dallin_and_steve_disco_style.jpg">the other guy stood no chance</a>. When I was <a href="http://filebox.vt.edu/users/dayoung1/Dalpics/young_dallin.jpg">little</a>, I used to dance to the BeeGees and insisted that people call me "Dal Travolta."<br /><br />At that point, she had to make a decision. She had a little cruise ship trophy to give to the second place contestant... and a bathrobe for the winner.<br /><br />I have to tell you, <a href="http://www.carnivalcomfortcollection.com/store/index.cfm?fa=details&CategoryID=15&ProductID=21&page=1">that bathrobe</a> is so comfy.<br /><br />Although, I don't know if it makes up for the amount of self dignity I had to give up to win. And, if it wasn't enough - the cruise ship kept running replays of it on the TVs the whole rest of the time we were on the cruise.<br /><br />Yikes.<br /><br />The last night we were there, this security guard comes walking by. Mind you, at this point I'm wearing pants and a sweatshirt. He turns, smiles, and says, "Hairy man" in a thick Phillipindonexicanese accent.Dallinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10177936649397913401noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341742512820314422.post-5938811577121357122007-09-21T08:36:00.000-06:002007-09-21T19:20:25.329-06:00Junk BondsYeah, I'm sure that if you did a search for articles with that title in reference to Major League Baseball's newly-anointed home run king, you would find dozens, possibly hundreds.<br /><br />Now, I'm just going to throw this out there to give this article context and to save you all the trouble of thinking it as my bias. I don't like Barry Bonds anymore. In the early 90s - when he was the National League MVP in '90, '92, and '93 he was an all-hustle, grit it out kind of a player (in '96, he was only the second person in history to ever hit 40 home runs and steal 40 bases in the same season). I liked that kind of play.<br /><br />Something changed.<br /><br />I had the opportunity to sit in left field at <a href="http://sanfrancisco.giants.mlb.com/sf/ballpark/index.jsp">Pac Bell Park</a> during a game between San Francisco and Oakland in 2004. A ball was hit over Barry's head, he turned to make the play, stumbled and fell into a roll. The ball had since rolled to the fence. The centerfielder ran over and made the play while Barry sat there on the ground, making no effort to get back up until the centerfielder who made the play came and gave him a hand up. Every at bat that he hit anything, he didn't hustle down the baseline, he did nothing more than a jog. At that moment, I realized that I did not like the way Barry Bonds was playing baseball.<br /><br />Now, in the days since the home run record, the ball has been auctioned and <a href="http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=3022027">purchased</a>. This is where the story gets fun. Barry is upset with what is being done with the ball. No... <a href="http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=3026654&campaign=rsssrch&source=barry+bonds">Barry is upset with the guy who bought the ball for 3/4 of a million dollars</a>. He claims that he doesn't care that the ball might be marked with an asterisk, or that the ball might be jettisoned into space. He does, if he didn't, he wouldn't think it was so stupid. If Marc Ecko paid that much money for the ball and did nothing other than donate it to the Hall of Fame, Barry would have had nothing to say about the matter. But, Barry realizes that what is being done with the ball is a commentary on him, which should be no surprize to anyone.<br /><br />My mom told me growing up that the bullies like to pick on kids that give them a reaction, so, when you get picked on, don't give a reaction. Barry Bonds is upset because the bullies of popular opinion are finally flexing their collective muscle. It has to tear him up inside that people are potentially more excited with what will be done with the ball than the breaking of the record itself.<br /><br />Face it, you can't argue with the facts, he has hit more home runs in the major leagues than anyone. But, it doesn't mean that people have to like him. Ty Cobb was an arrogant jerk, but was probably the best to ever play the game. Babe Ruth was also arrogant, but knew how to play the game of winning people over.<br /><br />My prediction: The ball will be emblazoned with an asterisk. Barry's right... that number (756) stands. But, it will stand forever with either a symbolic or a very literal asterisk.<br /><br />And to Barry, that is the biggest sucker punch his tormentors can throw.Dallinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10177936649397913401noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341742512820314422.post-18559523092792635832007-09-20T10:50:00.000-06:002007-09-20T17:43:48.937-06:00If the sports memorabilia fits....Here we go again.<br /><br />In my previous post, I mentioned OJ. After giving this some thought, I really believe that OJ was <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_GbvNL6s45U">trained by the government to kill and thus has no control over his actions</a>.<br /><br />Why would the government do this? What did OJ stand to gain? <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W7Id3ioATXo">Perhaps his skill at defeating linebackers</a> (which are a nefarious bunch of well-known criminals, at both the <a href="http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2004/09/10/60minutes/main642605.shtml">pro</a> and <a href="http://media.www.lsureveille.com/media/storage/paper868/news/2007/09/17/Sports/Linebacker.Arrested.Again.For.Criminal.Charges.1005.P.m-2974044.shtml">college</a> level) and his natural athleticism and competitive nature.<br /><br />I found documentation that he was employed in the late 1980s as an expert in helping identify and take down well-known Mexican drug dealers with a penchant for <a href="http://en.sevenload.com/videos/3QWfA7m/Chrysler-Cordoba-commercial-with-Ricardo-Montalban#">soft corinthian leather</a>. Here is an <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kOURLAgQT_8">exclusive clip</a> of OJ showcasing his rare skill at counter espionage (please note his command of the Italian language).<br /><br />He is a highly trained government weapon that was let go during the Clinton administration's <a href="http://scholar.lib.vt.edu/VA-news/VA-Pilot/issues/1994/vp940705/07050072.htm">cuts to military</a>. He had no other choice than to do what he was trained to do.<br /><br />I am shocked that no one has put these pieces together before.<br /><br />I have done some research on Wikipedia, reliable, believable research about some other crimes I'm sure OJ Simpson is guilty of:<br /><br /><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_JonBenét_Ramsey">Jon Benet Ramsay</a><br /><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chandra_Levy">Chandra Levy</a><br /><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weapons_of_mass_destruction">Weapons of Mass Destruction</a><br /><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walker_Texas_Ranger">Walker, Texas Ranger</a><br /><br />If the tragedy of being a victim of circumstance isn't enough for Orenthal James Simpson, the most heartbreaking part of this story is that we will not get to hear from Johnnie Cochran this time around. He introduced the world to three famous legal forms of defense (clearly his subversive way of effectively executing much needed tort reform):<br /><ol><li>"<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBVLEPOBJ3E">If the glove doesn't fit, you must acquit</a>"</li><li>The "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yU-tZy3NIS4">Chewbacca Defense</a>" </li><li>"<a href="http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-388279704845453712&q=jackie+chiles&total=10&start=0&num=10&so=0&type=search&plindex=0">Lewd, lascivious, salacious, outrageous</a>"</li></ol>Maybe this time around, OJ can pull off the <a href="http://www.m-w.com/dictionary/irony">ironic</a> <a href="http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/coup">coup </a>and hire <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marcia_Clark">Marcia Clark </a>to represent him.<br /><br />Finally, let's compare mugshots from the 1994 arrest and the 2007 arrest:<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig6QcrMu8MRk7r-pn7vO6IgwvGoZF5m9LhfRWLRfNB4QxGQM5Pn0mku_dlFFEau3xAS3nHLltu3ot6wc6lTXdjlJywjz4j-oyJPe_Op2TgwEQx8kioeSWKv7ptzPRiMm3fgcRmJGUyIJc/s1600-h/OJ-1994.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5112350479396996770" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig6QcrMu8MRk7r-pn7vO6IgwvGoZF5m9LhfRWLRfNB4QxGQM5Pn0mku_dlFFEau3xAS3nHLltu3ot6wc6lTXdjlJywjz4j-oyJPe_Op2TgwEQx8kioeSWKv7ptzPRiMm3fgcRmJGUyIJc/s320/OJ-1994.bmp" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHPq2wEQ7uienNE2hd9UAo-DtSz3tBsrjTMp_NhSi2ZAFdL0BgsH-uqAn7i3oLeQzKjQs_KQhf4iljR0xK64EsZBBj7O9TwsP-ofbePVkZ_j1CwrT9aFSJYrdTBqYMQDNIgOLfM6_NWGg/s1600-h/OJ-2007.jpg"></a></p><strong>1994:</strong><br />"Oh, crap, I just got caught. I'm too pretty for prison. Who was that guy that saved Jacko from going after he touched that little boy?"<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><p></p><br /><br /><br /><br /><p></p><br /><br /><br /><br /><p></p><p></p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZAx_7qh_DBdBFKZhIhOk2WKCzVLAbI54_TJ5_a4zJIkKY6nrmPvkhfNeWQO5FmBiBYBwK9xg9M4KtpYWtwvwSP1flmiePhKvy3_VUiHaakFGHzpgRinuqO-HymH2s_K2188nXyFAM47I/s1600-h/OJ-2007.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5112352218858751698" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZAx_7qh_DBdBFKZhIhOk2WKCzVLAbI54_TJ5_a4zJIkKY6nrmPvkhfNeWQO5FmBiBYBwK9xg9M4KtpYWtwvwSP1flmiePhKvy3_VUiHaakFGHzpgRinuqO-HymH2s_K2188nXyFAM47I/s320/OJ-2007.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><strong>2007:</strong><br />"Don't you know who I am? I'm the guy who touched all those little boys... I mean, I'm that famous Simpson.<br /><br />... no, that's Bart. I'm famous for kill... ing UCLA when I wore #32 for the Trojans."<br /><br /><br /><p></p><br /><br /><br /><br /><p></p><br /><br /><br /><br /><p></p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><p></p></div>Dallinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10177936649397913401noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341742512820314422.post-52614423000252207292007-09-18T08:48:00.000-06:002007-09-18T10:28:15.406-06:00Random MusingsI think that <a href="http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5614808634847800155&q=lion+witch+and+wardrobe+faun&total=3&start=0&num=10&so=0&type=search&plindex=2">faun</a> in "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" was creepy. I wanted Lucy to run away yelling "Stranger Danger!"<br /><br />Why do I think <a href="http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=4607458786314511837&q=monty+python+hitler&total=45&start=0&num=10&so=0&type=search&plindex=0">Hitler</a> humor is so funny?<br /><br />Or <a href="http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3880293152094269356&q=monty+python+philosopher&total=19&start=0&num=10&so=0&type=search&plindex=5">Philosopher</a> humor? PS - <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Franz_Beckenbauer">Beckenbauer</a> is not a philosopher.<br /><br />When is <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/O.J._Simpson">OJ</a> going to get it? We know he did it. Especially when he comes out with a book called <a href="http://www.amazon.com/If-I-Did-Confessions-Killer/dp/0825305888/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/104-2369723-6527114?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1190130763&sr=8-1">"If I did It"</a>, that pretty much gives it away. Between that and this <a href="http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1662269,00.html?xid=feed-cnn-topics">latest Las Vegas stunt </a>, it just goes to show you how emboldened he has gotten. <a href="http://topics.cnn.com/topics/o_j_simpson">OJ</a> has got to think he is above the law.Dallinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10177936649397913401noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341742512820314422.post-88358324279837573772007-09-17T08:28:00.000-06:002007-09-17T10:42:57.832-06:00It's the freakin' weekend, baby... I'm about to go offTwice this weekend, guys with whom I (and others) had plans cancelled the day of with the following excuse (paraphrased to protect the guilty so-and-sos):<br /><br />"Hey, I'm gonna hafta cancel, I am going on a date tonight."<br /><br />What?<br /><br />No, seriously.<br /><br />What???<br /><br />It's time to go back to the days when we watched Sesame Street and played "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ect-kgxBb4M&mode=related&search=">One of these things is not like the other</a>."<br /><br />1: "Hey, I'm gonna hafta cancel, I just got called into work."<br />2: "Hey, I'm gonna hafta cancel, I just got adult onset scoliosis."<br />3: "Hey, I'm gonna hafta cancel, my left arm fell off."<br />4: "Hey, I'm gonna hafta cancel, I have a date tonight."<br /><br />If you guessed #4, you're right!<br /><br />#4 is probably the worst excuse ever made. Why? Because, dates don't just happen. Ask any of the single girls I go to church with, and they will complain about this exact phenomenon. For the uninitiated, here is how dating works:<br /><br />Guy: (in head, to himself) "Wow, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JT5AQIlmM0I">this girl is so hot</a>. I really want to talk to her. Yeah, I can't stand it any longer, I'm totally going to talk to her."<br /><br />Guy: "Hi"<br />Girl: "Hi"<br /><br />(two weeks later)<br /><br />Guy: (in head, to himself) "Yeah, that was pretty successful, I've totally looked at her a couple of times, and she's totally looked back at me. She must want me. Why else would she look back at me? She will be mine, oh yes... she will be mine."<br /><br />Guy: "Hi"<br />Girl: "Hi"<br />Guy: "I saw you looking at me"<br />Girl: "You were looking at me first"<br />Guy: "Oh yeah, but you looked back"<br />Girl: "I was trying to figure out what you were looking at. I thought I had messed up while putting on my make up."<br />Guy: "Oh, that's hilarious"<br />Girl: "I was self-conscious all day"<br />Guy: "Oh, that's hilarious"<br />Girl: "Do you know what that even means?"<br />Guy: "Yeah... can I have your phone #?"<br />Girl: "Sure... 867-5309"<br />Guy: "Oh, that's hilarious"<br /><br />(two weeks later)<br /><br />Guy: (in his head) "That was pretty successful. She totally gave me her number. It's time for me to do something, or else she won't ever make out with me. But what? This is impossible. I'll ask her out and then figure out what we'll do later... yeah."<br /><br />(two weeks later)<br /><br />Guy: (on phone) "Hi"<br />Girl: "Hi"<br />Guy: "So, I was thinking that it would be fun to do something"<br />Girl: "Well, that's nice"<br />Guy: "I meant, like, for you and me to do something"<br />Girl: "Oh."<br />Guy: "So, would you like to do something fun this weekend?"<br />Girl: "Yeah, but, I'm busy Friday because it's my aunt's funeral. She died from adult onset scoliosis"<br />Guy: "Oh, that's hilarious"<br /><br />So, as you can see, dating is a long, drawn out process that requires a great deal of thought and planning.<br /><br />If you make plans, follow through. If you've been planning to go to an event for a week with your friends and confirm the day before (and in one case trash talk someone who was invited for being a flake, "Yeah right, like he'll come, he always flakes out"), you can't say "I'm gonna hafta cancel, I am going on a date tonight."<br /><br />All you can really justify saying is:<br /><br />"Hey, I'm a tool and can't be relied on for anything except to take my chances with the remote possibility of maybe smooching some girl tonight. "<br /><br />This excuse is almost as lame as one that my friend had in a dream one night. Lars had been trying to ask this girl out on dates for quite some time. In fact, he had been getting dates with her for quite some time. They just never ended up going. She always had some excuse. I was always the fall-back plan after she cancelled. Whenever he would announce that he was going out with this girl, I would ask, "So, what exactly are we doing this weekend?"<br /><br />One day he comes to me and tells me about a dream where he gets a phone call from this girl telling him "I'm sorry, I can't go out tonight because our <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Home_teaching">home teachers</a> are coming over."<br /><br />Luckily Lars is a smart boy and never asked her out again after that dream.Dallinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10177936649397913401noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341742512820314422.post-88041206809339573052007-09-14T09:20:00.000-06:002007-09-17T14:42:40.147-06:00Regulate... Jeffs Funk EraWhile driving home the other night, I decided to take an alternate route that led me past the Washington County Courthouse here in St. George. I was leery as I turned down the street because of the barricades and what my friend Eric Melniczek would categorize as a "Heavy Police Presence" (apparently two police officers on bicycles at 2 am in downtown Blacksburg, VA constitutes a heavy police presence).<br /><br />When the cavalcade of TV station transmitter trucks came into view, it became clear that this was the media circus surrounding the Warren Jeffs trial. After receiving a dirty look from the police officer and almost running over some TV station automatons talking animatedly into their Blackberries while trying to cross the street, the following list popped into my mind:<br /><br />1. Warren was named to the <a href="http://www.fbi.gov/page2/may06/jeffs050606.htm">FBI's ten most wanted fugitives list</a>. Do you know who else is on this list? Yeah. Osama bin Laden. The same guy that we all think of as the epitome of elusive evil.<br /><br />2. Supposedly this guy is wanted for several things, most notedly accomplice to rape (marrying a 14 year old girl to a 19 year old man) and ulawful flight to avoid prosecution.<br /><br />3. Any given night at the Washington City Wal*Mart you can go "Polyg Spotting." My brother claims that you can't walk past the fabric section without noticing at least one member of the FLDS community. As a side note - maybe it's because they've undergone some recent remodeling and reorganizing of the store, but I was there earlier this week and did not see one FLDS family.<br /><br />4. I grew up in central Utah, probably 2.5 hours from St. George. I always knew about Colorado City, that it was down here somewhere. But, it never occurred to me that Colorado City and Hilldale were actually part of the St. George community. I expected these places to be very insular, which they are, with their own economies and no connection to the mainstream world. That's not the case. The members of these towns are very much a part of our community.<br /><br />So, why is it that Jeffs is such a target? Look at the other guys on the current FBI Most Wanted Fugitive List. Most of them are wanted for murder, drugs, aggravated sexual abuse, ...September 11...<br /><br />This is the gap I can't seem to fill:<br /><br />It's common knowledge that there is a sect of people performing all kinds of illegal marriages, including marriages to young girls. This has been going on as long as I can remember. A system like this is a system of oppression, which means that there must be oppressive leadership. Why Jeffs, why now? Why, after 100 years of letting this become a way of life are they going after the leader? And, why, when he fled, did he join the ranks of these notorious and nefarious criminals?<br /><br />I spoke to a member of the Utah Attorney General's office earlier this week, and in our conversation she described an "implicit acceptance" because of an agency's lack of action in a matter, despite that agency's threats and communications that clearly state anything but acceptance. How much of what goes on, and has been going on, in this community falls under that same concept? How much "implicit acceptance" has UT, AZ, and the US given?<br /><br />If we have ignored this, it still does not excuse anyone from violating the law. But, it certainly does bring up the contradiction - why do we silently accept their way of life and then, when their leader is brought up on charges, do we all want to know how swiftly and harshly justice will be served?<br /><br />Maybe it's because members of the LDS church struggle to reconcile their polygamous past with contemporary rumor and conjecture about this practice. Maybe it's because society at large doesn't deal well with the machine. Maybe it's just <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schadenfreude">schadenfreude</a>, plain and simple.Dallinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10177936649397913401noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341742512820314422.post-38500763857165093522007-09-13T08:25:00.000-06:002007-09-13T08:53:43.241-06:00And Betty when you call me...Commentary on my first two posts:<br /><br />Why on earth did Al Gore appear in my first two... now three messages?<br /><br />There can only be one explanation: He is sending subliminal messages during College Football games and on the Food Network.<br /><br />There is no other explanation.<br /><br />No, there is one more. I'm on the internet a lot at work. In fact, I'm on the internet right now. Here I thought the world wide web and electronic mail were convenient information sharing utilities. Now I realize that it is just a subtle tool free from regulations designed to send out subliminal messages cleverly crafted to get me to think about Al Gore all day. After all, he did invent it.<br /><br />It's an inconvenient truth.<br /><br />Which is worse: Individual mind control or global destruction?<br /><br /><br /><br />This much I know, future posts will feature a minimum of 30% post-consumer free range antibiotic, BALCO, and Al Gore mind control free content.Dallinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10177936649397913401noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341742512820314422.post-42024357507424298332007-09-12T13:44:00.000-06:002007-09-12T14:45:10.140-06:00Great ExpectationsI find myself teetering on apathy regarding the upcoming election. <br /><br />I have been very interested in these things as far back as I can possibly remember. When I was 8, the Reagan/Mondale race was in full swing. I remember being aware of the facts enough that Ferraro was his running mate, and being socially aware enough to recognize the importance that she was, in fact, a she.<br /><br />During a recent conversation with a friend, we were musing about the presidential race that has burgeoned over the past months. I shared that I was not sold on any candidate, he replied that he wasn't either. None of the candidates were "strong enough" for him, and after some discussion this concept of "strength" had less to do with position and platform, but what the candidate would do once he or she was elected. A "strong candidate" would actually say what they were going to do and were going to do what they said. <br /><br />Another conversation I had with another friend, prior to this one, left me with a statement of "It can't just be about the sound bite, can it?" I thought for a second, and I replied that it had to be.<br /><br />If the people who are being paid to know the science of election are carefully tailoring sound bites, you tube videos, and are concerned with image management, then that should tell us about how the electorate responds. (Certainly this generation of voters is not going to elect William Howard Taft.) Winning an election has become less about convincing people you have the skills it takes to lead a country, and more about giving people what they want to hear. <br /><br />This does not mean that a candidate actually has to care about his or her platform. The idea is to adopt a stance that is harmonious with the party's usual whipping posts, and then come up with a message that is so innocuous that all anyone can remember is a few taglines, or how much they "like" you. Really... it's all about like anymore. Ask anyone the following question and see how they respond: "What do you think about this upcoming election?" If the word 'like' doesn't come up in the first paragraph, I'll buy you a coke.<br /><br />That's what lost Al Gore both the electoral college and the poll of popular opinion. The guy actually has a stance. The guy actually fights for what he thinks is right. He's a little zealous about it, but, boy does he follow through.<br /><br />What does this tell us about what we want? Clearly we don't want "strong candidates." The message we send loud and clear is that we want someone who is really good at playing the game, and we can't be bothered with what they'll do after they're elected ... until after they're elected. And then we care. So, if we don't care, then why should the candidates be concerned with it? If it doesn't help you win, it's just in the way.<br /><br />When a candidate stops caring about the platform, I stop caring about the candidate. In fact, I'm going to stop caring about anything anyone says during this election. Well, that's not true. I am going to listen, but, I'm going to listen between the soundbites. I am going to to probably vote for a conservative option, because that suits my political philosophy best. Besides, what a candidate is going to do isn't based on how they campaign. <br /><br />Notwithstanding, I realize that the informed vote is grossly underrepresented when compared to the vote that is swayed by the information age. So, under duress, I'll throw my vote to the ideological wolves and let the masses continue to chug down the political equivalent of a VH1 "Flava of Love" marathon.Dallinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10177936649397913401noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341742512820314422.post-7937378013165490742007-09-12T11:36:00.000-06:002007-09-17T09:46:21.660-06:00Hello WorldI suppose it's time to share with the world. In kindergarten I was taught to share with the other children. I have become predisposed to believe this is a metaphor for life.<br /><br />Thus, in an effort to be simultaneously self-serving and others-oriented, I am starting this blog. I will be making an effort to share many personal, religious, social, and professional effigies I would like to burn.<br /><br />This will not be the first foray into sharing <a href="http://doubledown.itgo.com/">bits</a> and <a href="http://filebox.vt.edu/users/dayoung1/">pieces</a> of myself on the internet super information Al Gore memorial highway. Chances are it will only be marginally more effective and longer-lasting.<br /><br />So, sit back and enjoy.Dallinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10177936649397913401noreply@blogger.com0