When Hairy met Silly

I just got back from a 4 day Carnival cruise. I highly recommend this kind of vacation.

While on this cruise ship, I was walking up with a friend or two onto the main deck where most of the people in our group were laying out, talking, or enjoying the live music. Just as I get onto the deck, the announcer guy comes on and declares the hairy chest competition about to begin.

Now, here's some disclosure - I know I probably seem pretty darn sexy to everyone, but, beneath the clothes I am more than just moderately hairy. So, I look at a couple of my friends, and I say, "Should I go win this?" and take off my shirt. As I am walking up to the stage, the announcer guy starts laughing and says, "Oh my gosh, here comes Chewbacca"

They get 7 of us up there on stage for this contest. And they got this girl/woman to be the judge. I guess if you're willing to have hairy men come dance all up on you and to run your fingers through chest hair, you have to be a particularly "easy going" kind of a girl. I think this describes her, particularly the "easy" part.

So, each contestant had to give her a lap dance. She then eliminated contestants. Yeah, I said lap dance... and I did lap dance.

Scandalous.

Then, we each had to show off our best breakdancing moves. I did the robot, the wave, and yes, you guessed it.... a backspin. (with no shirt on).

She then narrowed it down to two contestants, and we were both from St. George. The final test was that she got to come rub her hands through the chest hair. Yes, miss thang came and she ran her hands through my chest hair.

Again, scandalous.

Once she was done with that, she was supposed to make her choice for the winner. At which point she demanded a dance off. The announcer was only too happy to oblige... with YMCA. When it comes to disco, the other guy stood no chance. When I was little, I used to dance to the BeeGees and insisted that people call me "Dal Travolta."

At that point, she had to make a decision. She had a little cruise ship trophy to give to the second place contestant... and a bathrobe for the winner.

I have to tell you, that bathrobe is so comfy.

Although, I don't know if it makes up for the amount of self dignity I had to give up to win. And, if it wasn't enough - the cruise ship kept running replays of it on the TVs the whole rest of the time we were on the cruise.

Yikes.

The last night we were there, this security guard comes walking by. Mind you, at this point I'm wearing pants and a sweatshirt. He turns, smiles, and says, "Hairy man" in a thick Phillipindonexicanese accent.